That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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