Yo dont text me then not text me
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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