I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
