Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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