The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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