I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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