Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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