He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
