Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I didn't notice because vodka
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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