Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize