God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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