The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
