Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
