I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
