The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You may now shotgun with the bride
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
