my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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