i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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