There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
