as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
