I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize