i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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