I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
