But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
