there's paper in my vomit.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
