ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
