We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
