We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
