I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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