By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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