I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
