some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
