If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
