hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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