I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
