Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize