from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
