I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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