i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
