I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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