sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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