your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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