CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
