Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
