You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
