you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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