I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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