I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
