Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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