I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
