May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
