btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
