We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
