I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
