Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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