He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
