I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
