The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
