hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
