We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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