so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
