I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
