Having a random hookup so left but love u
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
