I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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