i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
