So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
