im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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