we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
