If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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